Recently I started a new phase in my life. I’m continuing my coaching training, I’ve started coaching people, and I’m a full-time freelancer i.e. self-employed. I’ve also had more time to dedicate to content creation, which I have to say is making me really happy these days. All of this got me thinking about how sometimes in order to create change in your life you have to take risks, and that can be scary. I also see this with the clients I’ve been coaching: they seem to know there is another possibility, but naturally it can feel like a huge leap of faith that they’re not yet ready to take.
Today I want to dig into this a little bit more, when to take risks, and why they’re necessary if you want to succeed in creating your dream life.
Why risk taking is necessary
I’ve shared quite a bit of my journey on here, including how coaching changed my life and how my 30s was truly a transformative decade. Reflecting and listening to my clients, I realized that I had to take quite a few risks during that time to get to where I wanted. Sure it hasn’t been easy, there have been many moments of self doubt and mental breakdowns along the way. But thanks to those risks, I feel that every day I’m getting one step closer to where I want to be. I’ve come to realize that this risk taking is a necessary step if you really want to create meaningful change in your life. But I also know it’s hard, so I want to share a little bit about my process, to encourage you to take more risks yourself. 😉
My journey
Would you believe me if I told you I used to be extremely risk averse, and hated change? It’s true!
- Quitting my job in 2018. Let’s go back to when I quit my job in Switzerland, and moved to another city where I knew no-one. Don’t be fooled, it had been at least as many years of me ranting to my coach every week about how I’d be happier working in a supermarket anyway and that I should just quit 😂 as well as being absolutely terrified at the thought of doing so. There was a time when I felt very trapped and could see no way out: I hated my job but had no money. If I left of my own volition I would be “punished” by the unemployment office and had to spend 3 months with no income: impossible. I had NO WAY OUT. It was an awful feeling and I didn’t know what to do.
By the time I decided to quit I had made a plan and had time to really think about this decision. I knew I would have to spend 3 months without any income and was prepared to face the consequences, I planned for this financially. This also lit a fire under my ass because I KNEW I had to find a new job otherwise I was going to struggle, somehow it made it all a little more real. By then I also had time to work on my fear of being unemployed. Weighing it out, I decided: I prefer to take a risk and be unemployed for a while, than stay in a situation that is making me miserable. I had talked to enough people who reassured me an alternative was possible, and I didn’t have to stay stuck in this situation. Last but not least, to hold myself accountable: I had told people I was going to quit so there was no going back.
This was probably one of the biggest steps I took towards creating the life I wanted because without it, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Don’t get me wrong it was scary as hell! Of course I was nervous but I also knew that if I didn’t take this risk I would be unhappy. All the work I had done up until then gave me the confidence to quit. - Moving to Amsterdam. It may seem glamorous to move to another country and city but honestly it’s a lot of effort and a huge amount of unknown. I knew no one, my salary halved, and I was arriving in a place where the housing situation was out of control. I had a one year contract in a startup: double whammy! I had no idea whether I was cut out for a startup or not, let alone whether I would like life in the Netherlands. During that first year I was faced with 3 moves. This period of time taught me to let go and trust things would work out because there was nothing else I could do. No amount of trying to control the situation was going to help so I just had to believe things were going to be ok.
It was a risk I chose to take. It may not seem like it, you might think “she had fully thought through moving to Amsterdam and had a plan”. That was only partly true, mostly it was a whim: I knew I needed to leave Switzerland and I went to the first city where I found a job. I took a calculated risk because I knew I needed change – and this is my takeaway: sometimes you need to force change in order for it to happen. - Being a freelancer – first time round. After my job at the startup I got thrown into freelancing and that was an insanely stressful period. I had several mental breakdowns, not knowing whether I was going to make it, seeing my savings dwindle away, not getting jobs I was interviewing for and really wanted… Right before I got the phone call from my last job I was crying on my friend’s sofa feeling like a complete failure. It was rough! This was not necessarily a risk I chose at the time – I was thrust into it. But it was a necessary phase I had to go through, that taught me so much about letting go, having faith and trusting things would work out. I know this may sound crazy or intangible but truly – realizing that no amount of over-controlling is going to help you, teaches you to be more present in the moment when you are facing a struggle. I will emphasize: it’s not easy and it’s definitely scary, but I learned a lot!
- Becoming a freelancer – second time around. Now I’m back in the freelancing seat and again, this wasn’t an easy decision to make. I knew corporate life wasn’t for me anymore but what exactly is next? Will I be able to make it? Can I pay my mortgage or will they reclaim my apartment? Honestly I still have days where I’m a bit nervous about the future and question whether or not I will survive. At the same time, it was a risk I knew I had to take because I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life looking back and thinking “what if?” or “if I only I had done it back then”. The motivation to give it a try, was stronger than my fear of failure and jumping into the void (side note, I had also planned for this financially).
My point is: all of these were moments of risk-taking, yet somehow calculated risks. Since I used to be very risk averse, I’m not the type of person who will do something rash, I need to have a plan. But I’m also getting better at listening to my intuition and following it when it tells me to do something, which in turn is how I end up living a life that’s much more closely aligned to my vision than it used to be. Was I scared? Hell yes! Did I have moments of doubt? Absolutely! It’s not easy, it can be absolutely terrifying. But these risks were 100% necessary for me to get to where I am today.
Why risk taking feels scary
Society wants you to believe that you have to “fit in” to the system. Get a well paid job, have a spouse and a family, a dog and own a house. But life has changed so much! Nowadays most people can’t even afford a house, and staying in job longer than 10 years is something of the past (for a lot of people). Creating the life you’re dreaming of means allowing yourself to step OUT of the box, and doing something differently. That’s why the risk taking is so scary.
What do you mean, I don’t have to have a traditional job? What do you mean, I can create my own path? But what about money?? Often the biggest thing holding us back is financial insecurity and trust me, I get it. It has probably been one of the biggest stressors in my life, along with the fear of not having a home. The fear of not having enough money to get by is quite paralyzing and will hold you back, and I completely understand why. I’m not suggesting you throw caution to the wind, it is important to have a financial plan and be aware of the risk you’re taking. Know what your expenses are and how you’re going to cover them. However, it CAN be planned for it, and that’s already a huge win – taking some risk out of the equation.
Also, if having a 9-5 job with a spouse a dog and a home is your dream then go for it! My point is, don’t let fear get in the way of you creating that dream life for yourself, no matter what it is. Dare to take the necessary risks to make it happen!
Risk and the brain
Our brains are smart things, and are wired to protect us from dangerous situations. That’s why the brain and more importantly, the reptilian brain is trying to prevent us from taking risks. It wants you to stay safe, whilst other parts of your brain have categorized and labelled which sort of situations are more risky and should therefore be avoided. It’s no wonder you are feeling resistance, you’re scared, nervous, don’t trust yourself, are unsure whether you can do it. Your brain is telling you NOT TO DO IT!! Meanwhile, people in your life might be reinforcing this message because they too, are scared. Recognizing your brain is trying to protect you is important so you can override it. You can also remind it that you are smart, competent, not rash, have a plan… and reassure it that you’ve got this.
Now, go take some risks!
I hope all of this has helped you realize that risk-taking doesn’t have to be scary. Ultimately it’s about taking the right kind of measured risks, that help you get one step closer to what you want in life. Start small: you don’t have to wake up one day and dramatically quit your job, but you can slowly grow your tolerance by taking baby steps. And remember: you can plan for it! One of the fantastic things about being a grown-up is having the ability to plan and use your experience to prepare for certain situations. You don’t have to start with the huge risks like quitting your job or moving to another country. You can start by taking risks that feel calculated and manageable to you, until you build up some courage.
I’d like to caveat that of course, risk-taking is harder when you have dependents. Whether that’s a spouse, kids, ageing parents, siblings… It’s definitely harder or you may have more difficulty feeling able to take a risk because of your situation, as there is a lot to factor in this type of decision. This is completely normal! Like I said, it’s not about throwing caution to the wind and doing something rash. Risk-taking shouldn’t alienate people or put *others* at risk, it’s risks you can manage for yourself.
I also realize that financially speaking it can seem daunting to take such risks but ask yourself: what do you really need on a daily basis, and what can you do without? You might surprise yourself, often we spend money on things we don’t really need and could cut back on without being too unhappy. There are also plenty of podcasts out there offering good financial advice and with inspiring stories from people who worked their way out of debt in a short amount of time. Don’t be afraid to educate yourself and learn more, if it helps you feel more and better prepared.
Lastly, it’s also important to realize that risk-taking – just like everything else – is a very personal process. You can do it on a scale that feels appropriate to your situation. Just don’t talk yourself out of doing it, if you feel something is calling to you. Make sure you weigh the pros and cons, and then, take the plunge!
Remind yourself why
As this is a mental health blog, I’d be remiss if I didn’t highlight why I choose this approach in life. Unfortunately I know quite a few people who died too soon, some of whom died by suicide. It has always been extremely sad and a stark reminder for me to cherish every moment as if it were the last. This might not resonate with everyone but for me, it truly lights a spark of motivation. I think of these people and how we wish they’d had one more day, one more year on earth, and whether they’d have lived differently knowing their fate. To me it’s also a way to honour their memory, trying to enjoy every moment that I have.
Without necessarily taking it quite so far, remind yourself of why you’re taking (or not) the risk. What do you really want for yourself and in life, or what is holding you back? Instead of being afraid, can you imagine what the positive impact would be if you took that step you’ve been thinking of for a long time? Realize that you taking a step in this direction, can also have a positive ripple effect around you.
I hope this has given you some food for thought, and I wish you happy risk-taking! What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear from you.
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